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Just say ?I love him,? stupidAtty. Emmanuel Samonte Tipon, Sep 21, 2005?What is the difference between an American woman and a Filipino woman?? asked a beautiful Filipina-Spanish mestiza from Metro Manila of her suitor, a FilAm lawyer.
Wowowee, thought the lawyer, this was the opening he needed to find out if the mestiza really loved him.
Although he felt that she loved him and her best friend had told him that she did, he wanted to hear the four-letter word ?straight from the horse?s mouth?.
?An American woman will eagerly say ?I love you? to the man she loves, but the Filipino woman will never tell the man she loves ?I love you,? even if she loves him. In many cases, the man stops visiting, thinking that he is unwanted.?
?I love you,? whispered the mestiza, apprehensive that her suitor might stop visiting.
As the lawyer closed in for the kill - the inevitable embrace, a passionate kiss, at iba pa (etc.), the mestiza added: ?But please don?t expect much from me.?
Santisima Trinidad! Why did she have to add that colatilla. It spoiled the romantic moment. Instead of taking the matter to the next level - her bedroom on the second level - the lovers spent most of the evening dissecting what she meant by her qualifier.
Did she mean that there would be no sex? Did she feel that she was inadequate for him? Was she implying that she would not seek annulment of her marriage from her husband? Etc. etc.
The lovers eventually made it to the second level but the spontaneity was gone.
He was tormented by the thought that her professed love was with mental reservation and with purpose of evasion (just like a President who swears to defend the Constitution without mental reservation or purpose of evasion, and in the next breath seeks to junk it).
By then the neighbor?s cock had already crowed three times.
OH GOD
During the lawyer?s encounter with another Filipina lover, she kept moaning ?Oh God! Oh God!?
Feigning irritation, the lawyer remarked: ?I am getting jealous of God. Why don?t you say ?Oh Al, Oh Al.? I?m the one giving you pleasure. Or just say ?I love you, I love you.?
BIGAY TODO
In a t?te-?-t?te with still another Filipina lover, the lawyer wryly noted: ?I?ve never heard you say ?I love you.??
?Binigay ko na lahat sa iyo. Ano pang gusto mo.? (I have given you everything. What else do you want), she shot back.
Therein lies the problem with many Filipino women.
Bigay todo sa kama, pero hindi bigay todo sa salita. (They give everything in bed, but not in words)
EFFECT ON IMMIGRATION
So what is the relevance of this Filipina attitude of hesitating or even refusing to say the word ?love,? the most beautiful word in the English language, on immigration?
It could be the decisive factor in granting or denying an immigrant visa to a wife or fianc?e.
The following cases will illustrate the point.
CASE # 1
A Filipina was asked by an immigration officer during an adjustment of status interview why she married her husband who was significantly younger.
?I love him,? she answered.
The interviewer nodded approvingly.
Then the Filipina added: ?I also want someone to help me support my children from my first husband.?
?Patay kang bata ka,? as they say in Tagalog.
She ignored one of the ?10 Commandments for a Successful Interview? that I have popularized on radio and published. Visit:
www.ImmigrationServicesUSA.com.
The immigration officer then opened a new line of questioning regarding her additional reason. It appeared that the officer was entertaining doubts about the genuineness of the marriage and was looking into the probability that it was merely a meretricious relationship.
Instead of approving the adjustment of status, she gave the parties 30 days to submit evidence that the marriage was bona fides.
Why couldn?t she just say, ?I love him??
CASE # 2
A woman who had been petitioned by her U.S. citizen husband was interviewed by a consul in Manila.
This is what she said when asked why she married her 84 year old husband, some 30 years her senior:
?He is good. He does not smoke. He does not drink.?
She was denied a visa for the reason: ?You have no petitionable relationship with the petitioner.?
Her husband himself conducted an interview of his wife. He remarked that he did not blame the consul, and indicated that if he was the consul he might have denied her a visa.
I asked ?why.? He replied that she did not say what the consul wanted to hear.
?What?s that?? I asked.
She should have told him ?I married him because I love him.?
?Maybe she does not really love you,? I teased him, ?that?s why she did not say ?I love you.??
?She loves me, all right,? he insisted.
As they say in Spanish: ?No hay loco como un viejo loco.? (There is no
like an old
.)
Why couldn?t she just say ?I love him??
CASE # 3
A nurse from Ilocoslovakia was asked during a consular interview why she married her 64-year-old husband, about twice her age, who petitioned for her.
?I want to take care of him,? was her reply.
She was asked if there was anything wrong with her husband. She revealed that her husband was on dialysis.
Her visa application was denied. Reason: ?You are not qualified under Labor Certification requirements. You have no petitionable relationship with the petitioner and require labor certification.?
Why couldn?t she just say ?I love him??
CASE # 4
A 62-year-old woman who married a man about 20 years her junior was asked during an adjustment of status interview why she married her husband.
?I love him,? she replied as she looked at her husband and smiled while holding hands with him.
The interviewing officer, an attractive young woman, also smiled.
Was it a smile of doubt or a smile of approval?, their lawyer wondered.
He had thoroughly prepared them for the interview, spending a Sunday afternoon rehearsing with them. He had pointed out that they were going to be asked that question and for her to simply say ?I love him? and for him to simply say ?I love her.? He emphasized that they should not add anything to their answer.
The adjustment of status was approved.
CASE # 5
A Filipina from La Union was interviewed for a fianc?e visa. It was quickly approved.
She came straight to our office from the airport with her fianc? in tow. They were beaming with joy and expressed their profuse thanks. She also brought some pasalubong (arrival gifts).
?How was the interview?? I asked.
?It was easy,? she replied.
?Were you asked why you want to marry your fianc? in Hawaii?, I inquired.
?Yes,? she replied.
?What was your answer??
?Because I love him?.
?You know how to answer correctly,? I commended her.
?Manang Remy advised me.?
(Remy is our associate in Manila who prepares our clients for the interview, arranges their papers, and accompanies them to the U.S. Embassy. All of our clients have been given visas).
LESSON
What is the lesson from these cases for Filipino women seeking U.S. visas who are asked why you married your husband or why you want to marry your fianc??
Remember the song of lamentation by a guy who was losing his girl. It was popularized by Vic Damone, if my recollection is correct. ?Just say ?I love her,? I?ve loved her from the start.?
If you don?t want to lose your man and your chance to immigrate to America, just say ?I love him,? stupid.
(Atty. Emmanuel S. Tipon has a Master of Laws degree from Yale Law School and a Bachelor of Laws degree from the University of the Philippines. He served as an Immigration Officer. Office: 905 Umi St. Suite 201, Honolulu, HI 96819. California Tel. 510 825 1045. Hawaii Tel. 808 847 1601. Email: filamlaw@yahoo.com. Website: www.ImmigrationServicesUSA.com) 
